CROWNING GLORY

My friend’s mother-in-law who is 66 years old has been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The doctors have begun treatment by administering chemotherapy first. She has completed her first cycle of chemo and is experiencing hair loss. My friend told me she was very disturbed my this. At this juncture, I decided it was a good time to visit her.

I shared my experience of my “chemo days’. I told her when I started to experience hair loss, I knew I would not be stand the sight of my thick black mane coming off in strands gradully until there is not hair left on my head. In fact it was rather disturbing to see my hair in clumps in the hair brush. It really did undermine ones femininity and image. As I have read about some women shaving their head, I decided to go bald too! Anyway, being a Hindu it is auspicious to shave ones head for fulfilling a vow or receiving a blessing from GOD.

I had decided to go Batu Caves in the pretext of religious pilgrimage to shave my hair then. And so, I went all the way to Batu Caves, one early morning after my first chemo to have my hair ceremonious removed! After that, this year, I once again shaved my hair during Thaipusam at Batu Caves as an offering of thanks to Lord Murugan.

After becoming bald, it took time to getting use to seeing my reflection on the mirror and assuring myself that it still is the same old me with just a different look! I only used a scarf and that to only when I went out of the house, I wasn’t in favour of a wig because, I am quite clumsy and if in did not put it on properly I would look like a clown! NOW…I have cut my hair so short that men have longer hair style then me. Anyway, my friends say I look more stylish now and I DO…Ha!...Ha!

I also told my friend’s mother-in-law, the hair loss on the head will also be followed by hair loss from other parts of the body. I quickly also assured her everything will grow back after completion of treatment. She listened calmly to my encounters and my experiences with breast cancer. After hearing all that I had to say, she said she would think about shaving her mane. I know she would need time to think about it and she can only do so when she is really comfortable with the thought of being bald. After all a woman’s beautiful mane is her crowning glory and it is not easy to be without it.

Investing in Family Ties

I finally made a trip to Singapore. People who knew about the trip asked whether I was going for a holiday. I replied that I was going to see my 80 year old paternal granduncle and his family…because that was the main reason I went across the border.

I had two events to attend to relating to breast cancer and yet I choose to make the trip. This trip is so long overdue as I have not visited by father’s side of the relatives for more than a decade. After the treatment, I told myself that I must see my relatives whom I have not seen for a long time. I have gone back to work for a year and yet I had not made this trip which is just about 4 hours away from home.

During my childhood we use to spend a lot of time with my granduncle’s family during the school holidays. Either they would come down or we would go there. But as the years passed and everyone got in the maze of working world, the visits stopped.

Only when something happens do we receive a wake up call and we cherish family ties. And so I made every attempt to take this trip. In the end I am truly glad I made it.

Coincidentally when I was in Singapore, I came across this passage from a book I was reading, “There are too many treasures in life we take for granted, the worth of which we don’t fully realize until they’re pointed out to us in some unexpected ways.”

As I write this, I realize how we do not invest in relationships. Yes, we do invest our time and money for career, recreational pursuits, sports, financial stability but we seldom invest in the emotionally aspect of family bond. One’s family is the bed of love, comfort and security but then we take our family for granted.

Although I have spoken to my relatives on the phone but it is not the same as spending time with them, having meals with them and catching up for all the years missed.

On this trip I also met my grand uncle’s the first great grand daughter who is a year old. Wow! I witnessed four generations of people! That's what makes this trip unique.

I like to share some photos of Singapore….and I did go to Sentosa Island with my parents after all. Ah…Ah! But couldn't do much other sight seeing as it was raining most of the time.

Sentosa Island- Cable Car View

What a feeling it was to look down at the ocean from a cable car. My thought was hopefully I reach the island quickly...I came out of cancer and I do not want to end at the bottom of the ocean!

Underwater World



Oceanarium, home to more than 2,500 fishes from 250 different species. The ocean depths via a moving travellator that ferries you through an 83-metre-long acrylic tunnel. All around you, sharks, stingrays, eels and schools of fish glide past – engrossed in their own world. I really liked the fishes full of bright colours on them reminds me of how our lifes are can be colourful too.

Sentosa Island- Sentosa 4D Magix

Sentosa 4D Magix is southest Asia's largest 4D theatre! It was really engaging all my senses...like a real life adventure!

Sentosa Island- Images of Singapre

All about how the founding fathers from Singapore's four main ethic group forged a nation.It was a great walk through history...no wonder it has won many awards.

The Sentosa Island trip ended just it time before a down pour. The next day we went around Singapore, as it was drizzling, we enjoyed the many beautiful views from the car.

As I was on the Causeway, I concluded that I had a fabulous time surrounded by abundance of affection, warm hospitality and great satisfaction that I spent marvellous time with my relatives.

Breast Cancer Awareness Through One Voice

I represented NCSM to give a presentation on Saturday at the Expo Cintai Malaysia. SKIVA a women’s undergarment fashion brand is in a rebranding exercise. They had a soft launch of SKIVA’s new brand concept at the 6th Malaysia International Trade & Consumer Fair, 6-10 September 2006 at PWTC, KL.

SKIVA had showcases of the contemporary undergarment display, fashion shows, lucky draws and others. Also in conjunction with the cancer month in October, another the highlight of the event was the “Breast Cancer Awareness Through One Voice” campaign in collaboration with the government representatives from Kementerian Kesihatn Malaysia, Hospital Seberang Jaya and NGOs like MAKNA, NCSM, UMMC and others. Educational talks, BSE demonstrations, free consultations and a Charity Drive were held to help raise awareness on breast cancer during this campaign. SKIVA also donated prosthesis starter kits to various organizations.

The various topics on education talks were breast cancer, bra fitting, breast feeding, cancer or not is your choice, early treatment of breast cancer, perspective of cancer survivor, living through cancer and early detection of breast cancer.

I, of course spoke on “Perspective of Cancer Survivor”. I shared my experience from the point of diagnosed to surgery, treatment, recovery and living beyond breast cancer. I spoke for about 30 minutes.

As a toastmaster this is my first experience speaking in a booth layout at an exhibition.
When I started there were less than 10 people. Oh no! I told myself the show must go on. As I progressed the 30 chairs was filled up and later I saw a lot of people standing at the back and listening to me. Wow! I must have really enhanced to public speaking skills to pull the crowd! Ha…Ha! When I finished many came up to me and said what a motivating speech that was. I was really elated. Further some came to share their experiences of how their loved ones had breast cancer or had a scare of it

As I concluded my speech, my message was BSE and if there are any abnormalities on the breast, to have it checked immediately.

I must applaud SKIVA for inviting speakers from various organizations to promote the theme and to use this opportunity to create more awareness among members of the public.

I am also glad I went to the exhibition, because SKIVA also has come up with some newly designed mastectomy bras. I placed an order immediately and what important shopping that was. Just in time too, as I need to do some shopping for them anyway.

All in all I had a great day, enriched by the new exposure, experience and truly motivated.

WOW! A YEAR ALREADY

I just realized that it has been a year since I started work after completing my treatments. I came back to work 1 September 2005. Wow! Oh my…how time flies!

I sat back and asked myself how do I feel now?

Oh! First I told myself I must state the finer points…my accomplishments!

For the first time, I got interviewed by the Health & Beauty magazine, just as I got back to work last year. That was a really moral booster timely just as I started on the job after 6 months of absences. Then the magazine organized a breast cancer awareness month and invited me along with another survivor to share our experiences. That was the first sharing presentation I did in front of a group over 100 people.

For the first time, I took part in a fashion show at KLCC organized by the NCSM for their cancer awareness month last year. I really enjoyed myself. My first exposure in modeling. Ironically I did modeling only when I had one breast! Ha…Ha!

For the first time, I became the 2nd Runners Up for the Toastmasters International District 51, Table Topic Contest, early this year. I still am truly elated.

For the first time, I have my own blog, to share my thoughts and my experiences. Hurray!

For the first time, I have a very short hair style and intent to keep it that way. For someone who did not dream of having a short hair when the hair used be to kept so long, this is definitely a changed stylish person!

My emotional development, I have become more tolerant. However at the same time I have become a bit selfish…I come first, my health and my well being is my priority. I was quite when I came back to office but now I am usual vocal self to some extent. When I encounter an obstacle or difficult situation, I tell myself…”Come on you have overcome cancer, what can more terrible and challenging then that!” I do not give two hoods what the society thinks. It is my life and I will live the way I choose to do so. No risk, not gain!


My negativism …

Same old life of getting up at 5 am, and traveling about 1 ½ hours to go to work and another 1 ½ traveling back home in the packed commuter trains. I feel sometimes I don’t have quality of life at all.

I have not started volunteering work as a volunteer with Klang General Hospital or with Hospice Klang. I cannot bring myself to visit hospital and to speak to patients. Oh well not yet!

Depression when i hear some one dying of cancer or hearing someone has recurrence of cancer. Worried whether I will get cancer again. Will I live to see this and that in years to come.

My diet, am I eating the right food and a balance diet? Every time I eat something different…somewhere at the back of my mind is this question. During working days I buy food at the eateries as I cannot bring food from home, not that I have any choice!

The world sucks! Pardon me for my language. Life does not become easy or smooth sailing just because I had cancer. I still have to deal with life's challenges and every day stress- traveling, work, relationships, people, diet, finance etc.

Every slight pain, numbness or any reaction to my body…my first reaction…”Oh! Oh! Is the cancer back?”

Some memory lapses now and then…but then I have always been absent minded. I even forget to eat my tamixofen sometimes!

Then I concluded sitting straight on my chair with a radiant smile, life must go on and it's up to me how I want to play the song of life.

Feeling Helpless

My immune system must be really all time low. I have been suffering from a very bad cough for the past week. I couldn't sleep peacefully at nights even with the doctor’s medicine. This is the first time after completing a year of treatment that I am suffering so long with a chest cough. The condition of the weather and the haze has further aggravated the situation.

During the past week ,I also had to deal with issue of my Indonesian cleaner Jamila. She comes to clean the house once a week. Some weeks ago while I was at work, my mother called to tell me that Jamila spoke about her breast being swollen. I immediately spoke to her and told her to make an appointment with a doctor and to do a mammography. Of course she did not do so because during this time she had met with an accident and was hospitalised. Since she was in hospital I told her to tell the doctors about the breast being swollen. But again she did not follow my advice.

Since she had recovered from the accident, she came to my house last Wednesday. She told my mother that there are two lumps on her breast. My mother called me in my office and I got to know that Jamila could not stand the pain so she went and finally did a mammography done in a medical centre. The medical centre informed herthat she needs for an operation done to remove the lumps and told her to go to the general hospital for further examination. I am yet to see the mammography report.

I tried to convince her to go the general hospital. But she is adamant that she is quite happy with the traditional medicine she is taking and she claims she has seen a lot of people recovering from all kind of diseases from taking the traditional herbs. I was really annoyed with her when I heard this. Moreover she said she has no money for the operation nor has she got anyone here to take care of her. Then I told her it is best she goes back to Indonesia soonest possible to seek treatment. She said after she completes the cycle of the traditional medicine only then she would go back to Indonesia.

I called jamila again today to find out how she is doing. She said she is feeling much better! Ah! She said is afraid of the operation as she may die. Hei! I told her I had the operation and I am still alive!

I am really upset and worried for her. But looks like the amount of convincing I have done is not enough! I fell truly helpless when someone around me could have breast cancer and I cannot do anything about it. Well I finally told myself that is only so much I can do and the rest must be left to ones' individual fate!

Tai Chi

When I read about articles or books on living beyond breast cancer, I usually come across the following sentence “…exercising increases the survival rate….”. And guess what! It is not just some minutes of exercise a week but it must be done for more than 3 hours or more a week. What a tall order indeed!

When I finished my treatment and started going back to work, I told myself I should at least try to do brisk walking for half an hour at least 3 days a week. But resolutions can always be made and not followed!

As the months went by I realized that I have not been able to find time to do much brisk walking. By the time I get home, drop everything and start walking around the field near my house it is already dark and I will be making my rounds alone. Walking at night has become dangerous with the increase of the snatch thieves.

As I walk, I began so alert of my surroundings especially to sound of motorbikes. Instead of distressing and I get more stressed! So I starting going for the walks only if I reach home early that is not many days in a week. With less exercise, I become more tired… not in mood for many things icluding having FUN!

I decided to do something about it, after reading the newly acquired books from US. Suddenly from no way I had this realization that there was Tai Chi sessions conducted in the same field where I walk and my friend has been with this group for many years. I finally got myself motivated and joined the Tai Chi group. The sessions are from 8pm to 9 pm, Mondays to Thursdays.

I read that Tai Chi is a traditional Chinese mind body relaxation exercise that can help achieve a balanced body and mind. The gliding movements/gentle exercise of the Tai Chi, helps to reduce stress and train the mind to still itself even in action.

Well I have been going for the past 2 weeks to these sessions, I am enjoying it so far, feel good and energetic. I shall endeavor to progress in my new project.

Consent To Being Interviewed

I was referred by a friend to an international cosmetics company for an interview. The Company wanted to interview some breast cancer survivors from Malaysia as they intend to produce a documentary to promote breast cancer month worldwide.

First, when I heard about this, I was really excited because now I will have a chance to appear around the globe! But the representative from the Company told me that I had to sign a Testimonial Consent and Release Letter. I was surprised at this request but nevertheless asked the representative to fax me the letter.

I read the letter and found that I would have to consent to the following clauses:

• ... to use my personal statement/comment without compensation and my photograph, can be used in brochures, flyers, print advertisement, electronic media and any form of digital means
• This consent is granted for an undefined period
• ... Company has the right to amend, change, revise or re-arrange the whole or part of my testimony.
  

Being a lawyer myself, I found the above clauses to be unfair and unreasonable. I was not happy with the clauses especially clauses 2 & 3. After consulting some friends, I was told that some of these clauses were standard clauses in Consent Letters but they also told me not to give the interview if i was uncomfortable with the clauses.

After giving some thought (I was only given 4 hours to decide), I decline the offer. Yep, it would be really great to appear on the international level but not with the above constraints, one must be happy of being interviewed!