Feeling Helpless

My immune system must be really all time low. I have been suffering from a very bad cough for the past week. I couldn't sleep peacefully at nights even with the doctor’s medicine. This is the first time after completing a year of treatment that I am suffering so long with a chest cough. The condition of the weather and the haze has further aggravated the situation.

During the past week ,I also had to deal with issue of my Indonesian cleaner Jamila. She comes to clean the house once a week. Some weeks ago while I was at work, my mother called to tell me that Jamila spoke about her breast being swollen. I immediately spoke to her and told her to make an appointment with a doctor and to do a mammography. Of course she did not do so because during this time she had met with an accident and was hospitalised. Since she was in hospital I told her to tell the doctors about the breast being swollen. But again she did not follow my advice.

Since she had recovered from the accident, she came to my house last Wednesday. She told my mother that there are two lumps on her breast. My mother called me in my office and I got to know that Jamila could not stand the pain so she went and finally did a mammography done in a medical centre. The medical centre informed herthat she needs for an operation done to remove the lumps and told her to go to the general hospital for further examination. I am yet to see the mammography report.

I tried to convince her to go the general hospital. But she is adamant that she is quite happy with the traditional medicine she is taking and she claims she has seen a lot of people recovering from all kind of diseases from taking the traditional herbs. I was really annoyed with her when I heard this. Moreover she said she has no money for the operation nor has she got anyone here to take care of her. Then I told her it is best she goes back to Indonesia soonest possible to seek treatment. She said after she completes the cycle of the traditional medicine only then she would go back to Indonesia.

I called jamila again today to find out how she is doing. She said she is feeling much better! Ah! She said is afraid of the operation as she may die. Hei! I told her I had the operation and I am still alive!

I am really upset and worried for her. But looks like the amount of convincing I have done is not enough! I fell truly helpless when someone around me could have breast cancer and I cannot do anything about it. Well I finally told myself that is only so much I can do and the rest must be left to ones' individual fate!

Tai Chi

When I read about articles or books on living beyond breast cancer, I usually come across the following sentence “…exercising increases the survival rate….”. And guess what! It is not just some minutes of exercise a week but it must be done for more than 3 hours or more a week. What a tall order indeed!

When I finished my treatment and started going back to work, I told myself I should at least try to do brisk walking for half an hour at least 3 days a week. But resolutions can always be made and not followed!

As the months went by I realized that I have not been able to find time to do much brisk walking. By the time I get home, drop everything and start walking around the field near my house it is already dark and I will be making my rounds alone. Walking at night has become dangerous with the increase of the snatch thieves.

As I walk, I began so alert of my surroundings especially to sound of motorbikes. Instead of distressing and I get more stressed! So I starting going for the walks only if I reach home early that is not many days in a week. With less exercise, I become more tired… not in mood for many things icluding having FUN!

I decided to do something about it, after reading the newly acquired books from US. Suddenly from no way I had this realization that there was Tai Chi sessions conducted in the same field where I walk and my friend has been with this group for many years. I finally got myself motivated and joined the Tai Chi group. The sessions are from 8pm to 9 pm, Mondays to Thursdays.

I read that Tai Chi is a traditional Chinese mind body relaxation exercise that can help achieve a balanced body and mind. The gliding movements/gentle exercise of the Tai Chi, helps to reduce stress and train the mind to still itself even in action.

Well I have been going for the past 2 weeks to these sessions, I am enjoying it so far, feel good and energetic. I shall endeavor to progress in my new project.

Consent To Being Interviewed

I was referred by a friend to an international cosmetics company for an interview. The Company wanted to interview some breast cancer survivors from Malaysia as they intend to produce a documentary to promote breast cancer month worldwide.

First, when I heard about this, I was really excited because now I will have a chance to appear around the globe! But the representative from the Company told me that I had to sign a Testimonial Consent and Release Letter. I was surprised at this request but nevertheless asked the representative to fax me the letter.

I read the letter and found that I would have to consent to the following clauses:

• ... to use my personal statement/comment without compensation and my photograph, can be used in brochures, flyers, print advertisement, electronic media and any form of digital means
• This consent is granted for an undefined period
• ... Company has the right to amend, change, revise or re-arrange the whole or part of my testimony.
  

Being a lawyer myself, I found the above clauses to be unfair and unreasonable. I was not happy with the clauses especially clauses 2 & 3. After consulting some friends, I was told that some of these clauses were standard clauses in Consent Letters but they also told me not to give the interview if i was uncomfortable with the clauses.

After giving some thought (I was only given 4 hours to decide), I decline the offer. Yep, it would be really great to appear on the international level but not with the above constraints, one must be happy of being interviewed!